Monday, October 29, 2007

Who Is This Woman ?

 thanks to my daughter, Julie for this one...


Even though this lady is residing in MY house, she may at some time appear in yours. Be Alert! A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was!

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is Very Rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough.

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.

And money isn't the only thing she is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate - especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scales to make me think I am putting on weight too!

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.

She has found imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And, she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things, like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knobs and faucets are harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where YOU live!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think her twin sister is all ready here with me Linda! Shall we call the police? Jeannette xx  http://journals.aol.co.uk/jlocorriere05/Welcometomytravels  

Anonymous said...

lol, she lives here as well

Anonymous said...

LOL Linda I think that horrible old uninvited Lady has reached my house ~ :o) ~ Ally x

Anonymous said...

LOL.....Yep...I think she's here! lol :o) THank you for sharing! :o)
Lisa
http://journals.aol.com/seraphoflove9001/Pleasedonttakelifeforgranted/#Entry3661

Anonymous said...

This is probably the same woman who seems to follow me around.  How can she show up in so many places at the same time?  Do you suppose she has a twin?

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, I know that woman, I see her every day in my house too. What a coincidence...lol! ;o)

Love Sandra xxxx

Anonymous said...

((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))))All I can say is,very scary,better not catchHer in my house.LOLl

Anonymous said...

You may well say that, Linda, but I couldn't possibly comment

Anonymous said...

She is close to my house and getting closer every day it seems.  
Lisa

Anonymous said...

Linda you are so silly, but I think I've seen her around here too.  Joni

Anonymous said...

She must have a twin!  Darn her, she's been stalking me for a long time!
Hugs, Kathy

Anonymous said...

Haha, you really had me going there when I first started reading!  I think we all have one of those in our homes!
Marie

Anonymous said...

That is to funny.....LOL.....thanks for sharing it....boy can I relate....June:)

Anonymous said...

Actually Linda she has found me!  I caught sight of her in my mirror this morning ,great entry lol ..love Jan xx

Anonymous said...

I think she already knows where I live! A great read...Thanks!!!!!