Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Pet Diaries


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite!

10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite!

11:00 am - Went to the vet. Bummer.

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with people! My favorite!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite!


Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I
decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had
hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Jerks!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of " allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage..

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The
bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custodyfor him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe -- For now.....


mariealicejoan said...

haha I have seen this before, but it always makes me laugh.  It's all so very true!

ally123130585918 said...

Linda this is brilliant it really made me laugh ~ thankyou for sharing it with us ~ Ally x

wwfbison said...

I love this!

dsonney01 said...

I will not let my cats read this! They might get ideas!

lv2trnscrb said...

this was so cute!! what's scary is I saw some of Koda in the cat's diary, LOL (and of course all in the dog diary)


fasttrack58 said...

I love it!!! especially the weaving around his feet part, lol.... Raisin is circleing me now, I think he wants out....
Linda :)

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((LINDA))))))))))))))Have a nice day.

sdoscher458 said... have a great sense of humor...just what I needed this, Sandi

mastersblynn said...

so true!  But I am SURE Gabi is a complete angel :)  This is why we got a dog....Although I do have 4 lovely cats that I adore as well :)

jeadie05 said...

Oh how lovely Jan xx

mleppard06 said...

LOL...especially the bit about weaving aroung the feet, i have 3 that do that especially at mealtimes add the dog, two kids and husband, i am surprised that i am still able to walk...LOL take care mrs t xxx

jimsulliv3 said...

funny and true !