Tuesday, February 3, 2009

ON AGING



Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing About being 104?' the reporter asked. "She simply replied, 'No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is; You can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'


THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing

12 comments:

Ally Lifewithally said...

Linda thanks for the Laugh ~ Ally x

sober white women said...

Oh those are so good! I want to be that crazy old lady that people stare at. So I am almost there. People do stare at me! LOL
Kelli

garnett109 said...

Great stuff thanks for sharing!

Lori J said...

Dearest Linda,

I needed those comments today to give me a chuckle...because they say you are only as old as you feel and that would make me at least 100..ha ha

Love and blessings,

Alberta LORI

Jan said...

I like the one about driving but they are all funny some are even apt hee hee ? ,...love Jan xx

Julie said...

I am laughing at these, thanks.

Gerry said...

Gee, I think I recognize a lot of these symptoms--in myself, but who am I to complain when I see 97 year old Fern (is that her name?) in the lobby going somewhere everyday. She doesn't even have a helper, just a shopper.

Lynne said...

Hello Linda, LOL that entry made me laugh. Thanks
Lynne

Marie said...

Thanks for the chuckle Linda!

Joann said...

CUTE!!! Thanks for sharing!!

Jimmy's Journal said...

Those jokes cracked me up. It's a shame I don't know any "old" folks. Also, it's a shame I don't know any old folks.

Jimmy
Jimmy

Lisa said...

HAHA, this is good. I liked the peer pressure one and the leotards!!!